Repost: Modern Etiquette

The fact that there is an etiquette guide to talking about your wedding on Facebook is definitely a sign of our times...


In addition to the eight tips posted on allfacebook.com, I'll add a few more...


8 Facebook Wedding Etiquette Tips


9. Don't post all the pictures from your photographer without their permission. In most cases, this is actually a violation of copyright law. Ask your photographer for some low-res watermarked files you can use.  If you talk to them, there is usually a way it can work where the photographer gets some publicity, and your friends get to see the images! You can also post the snapshots your friends and family have taken (with their permission-of course!) 


10. On Facebook as well as other places it's good to remember the advice "Praise in public, criticize in private." If you care about your relationships and your community, it's always better to take up any problems in private. With your professionals, they'll be more likely to try to fix the problem if you haven't already trashed their reputation. Of course, public praise is always nice- good karma for everyone!


11. I'd add an addendum to "Stay off line during nuptials". I think it would be fine to post "We did it!" or something equally short and to the point after the ceremony. But really, on the day of your wedding and even through your honeymoon- your focus should be on the people/person you're with- the rest of us can wait.


Remember, Facebook, Twitter and whatever is next down the pike are great tools for keeping in touch with your community.  These tools, however, are not a substitute for community.

Celebration Advice: A Long Overdue Celebration

Every now and then, I get fun, interesting questions from people who are anticipating their celebrations.  Sometimes, when I answer these questions, I think- "Wow! someone could write an advice column about parties, weddings and creating personal celebrations!" Well, the other day, I realized that perhaps, at least occasionally, I could be that person!  Don't worry, if you ask my advice, I'll never publish it without your permission!


Hey Marilee,
My nephew and his wife just moved back to Madison. They are buying a house and wanted to know how to invite people to their house warming, and what's the proper etiquette for letting people know where they are registered. They were married by a justice of the peace in TX and never had a reception, etc. So, they kind of want to combine the house warming/celebrate their marriage. They've been married a couple or more years. They got married just before she shipped out to Iraq. I'm working on them to use you as a celebration planner.

Aunt C


Dear C,
I'm so glad you wrote!

I think the first step is to be clear about what they're celebrating. It sounds like they're having a long overdue wedding reception in their new home, not really a housewarming. This should be clear at the beginning. If some guests understand they're celebrating the wedding and others think they're coming to a simple house warming, there will be some awkward moments. The guests who are celebrating the open house are likely to come with a bottle of wine or a nice candle which probably won't even be wrapped. They'll feel pretty schmucky as they watch other folks arrive with wedding gifts... talk about feeling out of the loop!

Given their circumstances, I would definitely use paper invitations. Invite guests to the celebration taking place in their first home together. Mention the wedding date and invite people to a long overdue celebration.

Gift registries should never be mentioned in the invitation- it's one of the very few firm etiquette rules. They should tell their family and closer friends where they are registered. Those people can then "spread the word" The invitations can also direct guests to a website where they can include information about many things as well as the list of registries.

I would be delighted to work with them to create a lovely celebration. It sounds like they have many things to be joyful about!

-Marilee

Hokey Cha-Chicken Slide: Dance Party Music!

There are few things more controversial in the world of wedding receptions than the Chicken Dance and the Macarena! Other examples include the YMCA, Hokey Pokey, Cha-Cha Slide, Electric Slide, and Limbo Rock! (Click the links to see some videos!)


Here's one opinion: from  Wedding Receptions - The Do Not Play List by Nina Callaway, "Sure, DJs love these songs. They're great for entertaining kids, and they get people on the dance floor. But there's absolutely nothing elegant, sophisticated, or hip about them..."

Photo courtesy of
 Angelic Angles

Here's what The Knot says about the Macarena "You may know how to do the dance -- but do you really want to? Besides, everyone has a few certain relatives they'd rather not see get down with that hip swivel move."

Photo courtesy of Angelic Angles

Now that we've heard the negative... why do these songs remain popular at wedding receptions and other dances? If everybody hates them, why do DJs play them?  Perhaps it's because people vote with their feet. We may not say it out loud, but most people secretly appreciate these dances.  Everyone knows the moves- and if they don't, they're easy to follow along.  It's a very effective way to liven up the dance floor! Nobody's claiming they're elegant or sophisticated- you've been elegant and sophisticated all day.  These dances are an opportunity to relax a bit and be less elegant and sophisticated.

So, in the end, it's really up to you!  You know your guests.  Do you want your guests to dance?  Are they people who are comfortable on the dance floor?

If your friends are ballroom dancers and can recognize a waltz, cha-cha, or foxtrot within the first few bars, you can probably skip the Hokey, Cha-Chicken Slide.  

Photo Courtesy of MFR Photo

If, on the other hand, your guests are regular folks who aren't particularly comfortable on the dance floor, these dances can be awesome ice breakers, and...ssshhhh!... a lot of fun!

Repost: Offbeat Bride | The dowry tradition and how it relates to today's bride

If you're wondering about financing your wedding, check out this lively debate over at Offbeat Bride, and be sure to read the comments!  The focus is on whether or not the brides parents should pay for the wedding, and all that it implies..
 Offbeat Bride | The dowry tradition and how it relates to today's bride
Before I let you go, here's my own take on the subject...
It's lovely when parents are willing and able to help finance a wedding. When a bridal couple accepts financial help, it should be in a posture of gratitude, not with an air of entitlement. Financial help should also be accepted with a clear understanding of what the expectations are.


Your wedding should fit within the framework of your your personal values. Here are some considerations that may effect how you allocate your resources.
• You may highly value staying out of debt. 

Photo courtesy of Sharp Exposure Photography

• One of your values might be your sense of community which might lead to a larger guest list (and potentially greater expense).  
• Your heritage and traditions might be an aspect of your wedding that brings you the most joy.
• You might also value having a green wedding or supporting locally owned businesses!  
• Having a fair-trade celebration might be very important to you.
You might have a really different set of sensibilities than your parents, and it will be important to communicate your plans, hopes and desires with them before they share financial stake in your wedding celebration.  The last thing you want before your wedding is conflict over how much input your parents have after they've bankrolled your wedding!


I recognize that money can be one of the more difficult topics to discuss.  We tend to have a lot of emotion wrapped up in the meaning of how we choose to spend or not spend our money. If the topic is too daunting to discuss, consider talking it over with your fiance, or getting help from your officiant, pre-marital counselor or life coach, whoever you can depend on to help you move forward with integrity and clarity. 


One final thought: Did you know that weddings tend to run significantly over budget?!? I have heard weddings generally run 30% over budget, but I'm having trouble verifying the number... A professional wedding planner can help you stay within your budget and prioritize what's important to you.  Contact Planned Spontaneity.  I can help you celebrate in a way that reflects your style and personal values within your budget.

How To Be a Great GWC :: {guest with camera} :: WI Wedding Photography � Red Gecko Studio

I like for my Planned Spontaneity blog to be helpful and informative, and sometimes, that helpful, informative material is written by another blogger! If you're a follower of this blog, you may have already read about Mandie Haberman and Red Gecko Studio. At any rate, here's a great article Mandie wrote on being a "GWC", or Guest with a Camera at a Wedding. 

How To Be a Great GWC :: {guest with camera} :: WI Wedding Photography � Red Gecko Studio

I should have hired me!

Welcome back from summer!  This humble event planner took the summer off of blogging. With all my spare time, I've been running “Mamma Camp”!  My children and I have had a wonderful summer, and my youngest is now mere weeks away from being a school kid- no longer a preschooler.

This month, I had the pleasure of hosting a birthday party for my little five-year-old daughter.  Here's why I should have hired me... Between July 14 and August 14 we had 3 vacations totaling 20 of the previous 31 days away from home- rendering our home a disaster area full of dirty laundry and camping gear.  As party day (August 14) approached guests were invited and the house was cleaned. But...

As one dear friend was dropping off her child, she found me in the kitchen and asked how I was doing.  I replied, “I am now demonstrating why people should hire me.”  I was in the kitchen doing food prep as the guests were arriving. Sometimes life gets chaotic and you shouldn’t have to do it all alone!  The hostess should be able to greet guests and enjoy their company!  It’s the event coordinator, who should be in the kitchen, hanging coats, checking appetizers and making everything run smoothly in the background.

By the way, if you’re a party planner in the Madison area, contact me!  Maybe we can trade services for our personal parties!

Room for Sentiments: Blank RSVPs — Always A Blogsmaid Repost

I love this personal touch for RSVPs! It's a perfect way to invite your guests to communicate with you! I don't know how it would work if you needed to collect meal selections, perhaps the bride would talk to people to find out their selections... I would love to hear what you think of this!

Room for Sentiments: Blank RSVPs — Always A Blogsmaid