Mr. Tutera's 3 Rules

Ask a Celebration Specialist

Dear Marilee,

I'm familiar with the standard formula of big-white-dress... ceremony... dinner... dancing. But frankly I'm a little bored by all that. I want my wedding to be more personalized. I really want it to be more memorable and fun! Do you have any ideas about how I can create a more memorable and fun wedding celebration?

Signed,
Thinking-Outside-the-Box Bride

Dear TOBB,

This is a very exciting topic! In November 2007, I attended a Conference with the Association of Bridal Consultants in Orlando Florida. The keynote speaker was David Tutera (Party Planner to the Stars).

Generally I’m only marginally interested in what’s going on with the stars. I’m much more interested in what’s going on in my own community with people I already know or might meet. But…

OHMYGODIMETDAVIDTUTERA!!! I purchased his beautiful book, listened to his talk and jostled with everyone else to get my book autographed. By the end of it I was giddy, AND I learned lots. Here are David’s 3 rules for wedding celebrations.

1. Take your guests on a journey.
Regardless of your budget, you don’t need to have a cookie cutter wedding. You can tell your story in many ways, but the key is to invite them into an experience. All the details can invite your guests to discover more about you individually and as a couple- what’s important to you?

2. Change it up.
The typical wedding day schedule is:
•Ceremony in the early afternoon
•Take a break for the bridal party to pose for photos and visit a bar
•Serve cocktails and appetizers around 5
•Grand entrance around 6
•Dinner
•Toasts
•Cake
•Dancing
You can keep things more interesting and less predictable just by changing the order. Imagine joining your guests for the party and ending the evening with your wedding vows by candlelight.

3. Keep things moving.
If something different happens every 30 minutes, you’ll have a unique and exciting celebration- your guests will be glad they accepted your invitation! Let the excitement crescendo toward a climax with a final denouement. If your vows are later in your party, that would be a beautiful climax that everything else can build up to.

If you are inspired by the possibility of having an outside the box wedding, but are a little nervous about the logistics, just drop me a line and I’ll give you a call. We can set up a free consultation.

The Magic Formula for Giving a Great Toast

Dear Marilee,

I’m giving a toast at my best friend’s wedding, but I have no idea what to say or how to talk in front of a crowd! I’m terrified of embarrassing myself or offending my best friend. Is there a magic formula for giving a great toast?

Signed, Maid of Honor



Dear Honorable,
Here’s the magic formula for great wedding toasts. Choose the right words and say them at the reception. Here’s more detail to make your incantation work…

The right words:
1. Introduction. Many people will know who you are, but not everyone. Introduce yourself and thank your hosts and the guests.

2. Share an anecdote about the bride. You’re in a unique position to know the her very well and she entrusted you with the honor of being her maid of honor. This can be a sweet or funny story about her childhood or something that illustrates a great personality trait like independence, intelligence, or a sense of humor.

3. Share an anecdote about the groom. When did you first meet him? When did you first suspect he was “the one” for her? (Hint: I bet it was before she actually told you). How does he augment the best in her? Choose one thing people would like to know about them as a couple.

4. Raise your glass in a toast. Don’t forget the “Toast” part of the toast! You can simply say “Now join me in raising a glass wish the couple a long life of love, and joy together”.

Now that you have the right words, here’s how to say them at the reception:
1. Write your toast in advance. The fact you’re reading this means you’re off to a great start. Don’t wait until you’re sitting at the head table during the reception to figure out what you’re going to say. Take some time to write it out.

2. Practice out loud. Muscle memory counts for a lot. Unless you’re a professional who is used to talking in front of crowds, give yourself the best chance to give a great toast by practicing it. Say it in front of the mirror, say it before bed, say it to your cat or anyone else who will listen. Practice it enough that you don’t have to read every word. It’s okay to have notes with you while you toast the couple, but it will look a lot better if you’re addressing the couple or the crowd and not reading from your notes.

3. Use the microphone. If there is a microphone, use it. Do a little sound check and ask someone if you’re not sure how. Check that someone at the back of the room can hear you clearly. The best way to hold a microphone is to place it close but slightly to the side of your mouth and talk “over” it. It will pick up your voice without amplifying the other little noises your mouth makes.

So here’s to you and the fabulous support you are giving your friend at her wedding. May you bring joy to her celebration, and may your friendship continue to grow and blossom as you each take your own paths and forge new bonds.

Grattitude

Dear Reader,

Planning Spontaneity was on hiatus last month due to a very busy few weeks. It’s on my mind that I couldn’t do what I do without a great community of friends, family and professional support. Before I get to the article- Ask a Celebration Specialist, I want to thank the people who made late June and Early July possible.

My apprentice Tanja of Sunset Events, her husband Craig and her mom, Joan did a huge amount of work for me. They helped set up and coordinate my most complex wedding to date, and I couldn’t have done it without them.

I am a member of several professional organizations. These organizations are nothing without their members. The ladies in NAWBO- Madison (National Association of Women Business Owners) have been a professional and moral support to me since I first started Planned Spontaneity. ABC (The Association of Bridal Consultants) offers educational and networking opportunities for bridal professionals, and the members have been incredibly generous with their time and knowledge. Finally, I’ve recently joined WUMFA (Wisconsin- upper Michigan Floral Association) because Mel, Heather & Sarah at Bill Doran, my floral whole-saler were so generous with their time and knowledge as I was setting up my flower studio.

I also want to thank my clients who entrust their festivities to my care. Thank you for honoring me with that trust and letting me be part of your glorious celebrations.

I am vitally aware that my business is successful if the professionals I work with are excellent, so Kudos to Chad Torkleson of Midwest Sound and Light Show. He has gone far beyond what is required to give my clients great wedding entertainment.

A few friends have gone way above the call of duty with their generous support- Vicky Jones helped me capture what I do in pictures so I can share it with you, and Tina Matlock has given me many-many hours of napkin folding and website help. Because of both of these phenomenal loving women, I will soon have some great pictures on my blog and my website.

Finally, My family… My darling husband lovingly takes on the responsibility of single handedly caring for our children while I’m immersed in the minutia of weddings and parties. My beautiful daughters treat me like a rock star when I emerge from several days submersed in a celebration. They make me feel great to be a mom.

Nobody wants a Cookie-Cutter Celebration

Dear Marilee,
I really love the look of weddings I see on TV and in magazines. The problem is, none of those sources actually tell me how to achieve my own look for my celebration, and If I just try to copy the TV shows, I'll be Zillions of dollars over budget... Help! Is there a way to get a great look in the real world?

Signed, I don't want a Cookie-Cutter Wedding!

Dear Cookie,
Nobody wants a “cookie-cutter” celebration, but everybody wants a beautiful celebration. Here is a straight- forward formula for designing a masterpiece that will reflect your personal style and values and will dazzle your guests. Don’t just invite your guests to a party; invite them to share in an experience. Create a unique celebration experience through the use of a theme, colors, a well-chosen motif, and lots of details.

1. Choose a theme that resonates with your style and values.
2. Choose a color scheme and commit to it.
3. Create a motif to tie it all together
4. Creat a lush experience by adding details

That’s the magic formula: Theme + Color + Motif + Details

Here’s what I mean:
1. Choose a theme that resonates with your style and values.
Accentuate your ethnicity, your values, or your interests using a well- chosen theme. Take some time to think about what’s important to you, and what you’re celebrating. If you’re celebrating your wedding, why are you marrying this person? What do you love about the prospect of being with them? Dawn & John wanted to emphasize “Love of Family and Childlike Playfulness”. We used this theme as a touchstone to create their whole celebration. Keep your theme in mind when planning your stationery, entertainment, clothing, décor, favors, food and activities. Note the wax lips for the photo of the wedding party! The brides son and daughter were an integral part of their wedding. Your theme will give you a very personal celebration- not a cookie cutter party that anyone might have hosted. Your guests will feel the difference!

2. Commit to a color scheme.

Choose 2-3 colors you love that work with your theme then… USE THEM! Brides sometimes choose the colors for the bride’s maid’s gowns but don’t use that color again in the rest of the celebration. To create an unforgettable visual experience, use your colors boldly. It’s okay to choose subtle colors, but don’t let it look like they crept in by accident. For the couple who were attracted to one another’s “Love of Family and Childlike Playfulness”, we chose bright beautiful colors Fuchsia, Yellow and Orange. Create a cohesive well-designed look by commiting to your color scheme. Use your colors in your stationery, in you linens, in your flowers in your attire and in your décor. Your guests will feel like they’ve stepped into a piece of art.

3. Brand your celebration with a motif.
A motif is a graphic element that ties together the elements of your décor. It’s that finishing touch that makes the difference between “pretty invitations” and “Introduction to the celebration”. Your motif can be closely related to the theme of your celebration. With the theme and colors we’ve been mentioning, we choose a single daisy motif.


4. Create a lush experience by adding details
Now that we have established a theme, colors and a motif, we use them throughout the celebration to create a cohesive look and a spectacular experience.

Invitation for Fun!


Favors: Lots of fun toys –mostly in the wedding colors. The guests are invited to indulge their inner child playing with bendy neon monkeys, puzzle balls and mardi gras beads (Also in the wedding colors of course!)The DJ: is an intigral part of the plan for this wedding. The DJ will lead dance games like hokey-pokey, limbo and the chicken dance!

Décor: The tables are set with an orange runner, a mirror tile and a bud vase with yelow daisies and a yellow ribon. All the chairs will have fuchsia ties and the napkins are fuchsia satin.

Scavenger Hunt: The guests will be asked to find mementos from the couple’s early courtship, canned goods and toys to be donated to their favorite charities.

Love of Family: The newly formed family (Including children) will perform a sand ceremony using sand in the wedding colors to create a vase that represents all the members of the new family. The Vase is etched with the names of the family members and decorated with daisies!

Cake: The cake is a tiered cake with a cascade of daisies on it. There are also smaller wraped cakes in bright orange, yellow and fuchsia.

Candy Buffet! To indulge the inner child’s sweet tooth, we have a spectacular candy buffet layed out with candies including the wedding colors and decorated with beads and vases of daisies, as well as daisy shaped lollys.

Experience: All the guests get to experience the love, caring, and playfulness this couple brings to their union. During the scavenger hunt guests will learn more about what’s important (From favorite sport’s teams to their favorite charities), and during the party they get to experience the playfulness while living in an explosion of color.

Well-chosen design elements and activities will tell part of your story. Guests will end the celebration feeling a little bit closer to you, and they will have had a great time.

What I learned at the ABC-WI Spring Retreat...

1. Even at the end of April we can get snow in Wisconsin… BRRRR!

2.A wrapped pencil or wooden dowel can save a collapsing tiered cake from falling on the floor (who knew)!

3. ABC-WI (The Wisconsin Branch of the Association of Bridal Consultants) continues to be the best resource I have for wedding planning information and support.

3 Things to Look for in a Celebration Specialist

1. Chemistry

The first thing to look for when hiring a wedding coordinator or planner is chemistry. You should feel like this is a person you want in your inner circle during your celebration. You will rely on her to care for you, your family and your guests. She should be able to get to know you intimately enough to create a celebration tailored to your personality and values. You need to be able to trust her. Ask yourself “Is this a person I want in my inner circle during my celebration?”


2. Communication
The second thing to look for is exceptional communication. Your celebration specialist should always listen to you and keep your vision at the forefront. It’s not about them and their vision; it’s about you! She will craft an event that no one but you could have hosted. Ask yourself “Does she get me? Does she understand what I want? Will she give me the celebration of my dreams?”


3. Professionalism
Last but far from least is professionalism. Anyone who has hosted a party can start a business and call herself an event planner. Some things to check out are professional affiliations, legal contracts and references.


Two professional organizations for event planners

•ABC (the Association of Bridal Consultants)You’re not permitted to use the ABC logo until you have completed the ABC Professional development program. Look for their logo particularly when hiring a wedding planner. 

•ISES, the (International Special Events Society).
 •NACE, (National Association of Catering Executives)


A professional contract will clearly state what what she is obligated to do for you, and what it will cost. The services may range from a brief consultation to full service coordination including guest list management and budgeting. A professional will give you a clear contract and will give you time to read and understand it before signing.


You should also ask for references. In addition to former clients, other event profesionals like DJ’s, Photographers, Venue managers and wedding officients frequently see an event planner in action and will have a good sense of how well they do their job.

Here's wishing you the very best fit with your celebration specialist!